


The Definition of Insanity

by chaineddove



Category: Yami No Matsuei
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-13
Updated: 2006-03-13
Packaged: 2017-10-31 07:43:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaineddove/pseuds/chaineddove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The definition of insanity is employing the same tactic, yet expecting different results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Definition of Insanity

He wasn’t sure what had led to it, except suddenly he was being kissed by a very enthusiastic mad scientist under the blooming cherry trees of Meifu’s eternal springtime, and he hadn’t the slightest idea what to do. When he pushed away, his glasses were a little askew, and maybe that was what was making the world seem tilted on some strange axis. “Watari-san-”

There was a flash of hurt which quickly turned to understanding in Watari’s golden eyes before a gloved hand covered his mouth. “No, don’t bother. I can tell by your face what you’re going to say. This is insane, and not at all safe, isn’t that right?”

He hated being put on the spot like this, and he hated dealing with emotions. He hurt those he touched, and he especially hurt anyone he dared to love. “I’m sorry,” he said, taking Watari’s wrist in his hand and moving it away from his lips, wondering if his discomfort showed. This sort of thing wasn’t supposed to happen to him. He was supposed to be cold an unapproachable. “I don’t think-”

“Safety above all,” Watari interrupted, not quite managing to squash the bitterness that wanted to creep into his voice. “Of course, I should have known. One thing, though, Tatsumi. I’m not Tsuzuki, just so you remember. I’m a great deal more break-proof than Tsuzuki. I can take some emotional knocks and still get up.”

Tatsumi felt cold. “What are you talking about?”

“I was watching out the window when he tried his luck.”

“How voyeuristic of you.”

“It was an accident, you know? I looked out, and there you were. The entire office knows you’re in love with him.”

“I see,” Tatsumi said, wondering if he was going to be able to speak like a normal person anytime soon. He couldn’t seem to form a sentence, to tell Watari in no uncertain terms to be quiet, that he didn’t understand.

It was, quite simply, that he’d had no choice when faced with Tsuzuki’s terrifyingly increasing dependence on him.

_“Tsuzuki-san, I think you misunderstood my intentions. Please let go of me.”_

_“Oh, I… I just… I’m sorry. I just thought…”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“It’s okay, Tatsumi! Really… we’re still friends, right? And partners, that’s what’s most important! So I’ll just head back to the office, since there’s paperwork left to do…”_

And less than twenty-four hours later, their partnership was over.

Watari seemed to be watching his face as he remembered. “You loved him, so to protect him from some imagined danger at your hands, you pushed him away.” Watari’s eyes were piercing, his expression not at all cheerful, and Tatsumi realized that he did understand, but didn’t approve. No one ever disapproved of his decisions. The scientist took a step closer, his presence as bright and burning as sunlight. Tatsumi wished he could retreat into the safety of the shadows. There were dark corners inside him he didn’t want illuminated. “And I know you want me, yet you’re pushing me away. I should probably feel touched.”

“Why did you bother doing this, then, if you already knew my answer?” Tatsumi finally said heavily.

“I took a chance on impossible odds. I’ve been known to do that, though it’s the definition of insanity, did you know? Employing the same tactic yet expecting different results.” He smiled, tucking a lock of his long hair behind his ear, and the bitterness was almost gone as he stepped away. “And I told you, I can take a few knocks. We’ll just call this an unfortunate bout of spring fever on my part and forget all about it. We’ll still be friends, because I won’t let you change anything, if you won’t let me change anything.”

“That’s a little presumptuous of you,” Tatsumi said, realizing he was irritated.

“Yeah, well, that’s me. I’m almost as difficult as you. I have lab work piled higher than I can reach; excuse me.” He left, cherry blossoms sticking in his long mane of sunny hair. Tatsumi felt curiously as if he had taken a part of him with him, much as he had when he had let Tsuzuki walk away.

Once again, he was being left behind.

***

The next time he met Watari in the orchard, it was a week later and he had had to seek out the scientist himself. He found him wandering between the fragrant trees, his small owl perched on his head, hooting enthusiastically. “Watari-san.”

The scientist turned, and the look on his face was all friendly goodwill. He waved a greeting, and the little owl took off, hooting something that almost sounded like a reprimand, which Watari ignored. “Tatsumi, 003 thinks that some of these tree branches may need pruning,” he said thoughtfully when the secretary was within speaking distance, and truly it was as if nothing had changed, just like the eternal springtime of the orchard. In the distance, the owl hooted derisively.

“I didn’t want it enough,” Tatsumi told him without preamble, because he had been thinking about it a great deal. When Watari turned confused eyes on him, he explained. “Tsuzuki. I knew it would be a disaster.”

Watari’s facial expression softened into a smile. “You don’t have to explain to me, you know.”

“Yes, I do,” Tatsumi insisted.

“I don’t know why you feel that way,” Watari told him carelessly, reaching up and plucking up a flower which had landed in Tatsumi’s hair. He tucked it behind his ear and continued to smile amiably. “Nothing’s changed.”

“Yes, it has,” Tatsumi said. “Things change. People change. I don’t like it,” he said, and Watari laughed, “but they do. Tsuzuki was so instable, and I couldn’t stand to see him miserable anymore. As you would say, not a safe bet. I didn’t want it badly enough to weather the disaster it was likely to bring, so I pushed him away.”

“Are you going to tell me why you pushed me away?” the blond Shinigami asked, curious.

“Instinct,” Tatsumi said.

“So what now?” Watari wanted to know.

“I’ve come to redeem myself,” Tatsumi told him. “Come here.” He didn’t know what possessed him to take the loose braid hanging over Watari’s shoulder and tug him closer, but Watari hardly seemed to mind. It ended as it began, with kissing a very enthusiastic mad scientist under the blooming cherry trees of Meifu’s eternal springtime, except this time he didn’t even think to push away.


End file.
